Do or do not. There is no try.

Hi there! Heather here. I found myself typing a quasi-inspirational speech to some of my associates today via email and I wanted to share it with you in case you also found it helpful. 

“Do or not do, there is no try.” 

This isn’t just linguistics. This is a mental and emotional hurdle. Just think of Yoda. He was onto something!

When you say you’ll do something, either out loud or in your head, you’ve just committed yourself to seeing that task through to completion. (Yes is a powerful word.)

When you say you won’t do something, the commitment is terminated right then and there and you can move onto the next thing. (No is perhaps an even more powerful word!)

You can also say not at this time (which is also quite potent) with the understanding that you’ll research the matter and make this assessment once you have more information.

The least powerful and least assertive thing you could ever say is: “I’ll try.”

TRY removes your agency as an active player in the situation.

TRY gives a potent and concise voice to your self-doubts. Everyone has self-doubts, but assertive people see them as a challenge. Scared people use these doubts as a shield to deflect anything that might rile their insecurities.

TRY is weakness thriving behind a cozy and compact three-letter lie.

TRY is for people who need excuses, can’t make decisions, or doubt their abilities. Think about it; it has an excuse built into it already! People who find themselves routinely saying, “I’ll try,” are too afraid to say they can’t (or won’t) do something and too insecure in their own abilities to commit to getting it done.

Just think of how annoying it is when friends say they’ll “try” to hang out with you and then never show up or call. You probably already knew they were going to flake out on you. We’ve all known at least one person in our lives like this. If you’ve lived through this, then you know all too well how some people can hide behind that maybe to avoid saying yes or no.

That’s why we should avoid doing this crap to ourselves. Don’t be a flakey friend to yourself!

Either you will or you won’t do something, or, you’ll wait until you have more info before you make that call. All of these options display more integrity than saying, “I’ll try,” or, “maybe.”

Highly skilled people don’t need to resort to excuses because they know that this is just a seductive hinderance to their productivity. They’re too busy trying to get stuff done. There is no room for TRY.

I want to drill into this a little further to show you how this little mental shift can help you in big ways.

“Do or not do, there is no try.” 

When you change your mentality to this binary, the way you approach obstacles, knowledge deficiencies, and new challenges also changes.

It forces you to make instantaneous assessments of the extent of that which you do not know.

You must stop yourself, focus inwardly, and do an internal integrity check about your short comings without self-directed malice. This is a skill. You need to practice it to do it well.

This is especially true if you are predisposed to depression or anxiety. It won’t be impossible for you if that is you situation. You just have to try harder and longer to make it work, just like how some people maintain a healthy weight more easily than others. Every BODY (which your brain is only one part of) is differently abled. Everyone’s path is different and that’s ok! 

Anyhow, you need to assess whether you can do something before committing to it one way or the other. If you’re wrong and you assume you’re good at something only to fail, it shows you a weakness. You can then focus on that weakness to make it a new skill and a new source of strength.

This is the way we learn. This is how people overcome obstacles. This is how we GROW.

It’s a painful process, which is why so many people work so hard to avoid it. After all, it’s always easier to be upset about something — or feel guilty about it — than to go that additional step to try to fix it.

No one gets everything right the first time around. However, you can’t learn from your mistakes properly if you side step this process. By always choosing TRY or MAYBE as your path, you are actively avoiding this important growth opportunity because your ego, guilt, or fear is getting in the way.

The thing is, though, you need to know your short comings in order to overcome them, and beating yourself up over them is counter productive. It can seem like a horrendous Catch 22. You can easily get caught in a cycle that seems compelling: one of judgement, self-directed malice, and ultimately, guilt or shame. But once you arrive at this negativity and internalize it, you get stuck there until you can recognize that it’s pointless. You have to remind yourself from time to time that this mindset is just self-centered sabotage.

If this is the first weakness you encounter, then it is also the first one you’ll have to address on your path to success. 

And on that note, just because something is easier said than done, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. Heck, some of the most important things in life — finishing college, having and raising children, getting married — are textbook examples of how some things are easier said than done, but somehow still worth the pain of the path to that experience.

Knowing your weaknesses is the first step in life towards truly realizing your strengths instead of just assuming what they are or letting others define them for you.

It’s scary. It’s painful.

It’s the most important thing you could ever learn. Even more so than computer stuff.

 

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6 Comments

  1. July 11, 2017 / 10:59 pm

    Ahh….right on Heather…I use humor to make my point sometimes ( self deprecating so as not to come off as “too confident” ) not a good habit. I always say I’m stubborn and thats why I succeed..Not quite…I try until I can…like in wearing wigs..I decided no matter what I was going to wear a wig..through extreme itchiness in the behinning I didn’t give up and it wasn’t because I’m stubborn( although I am 😉 its because I was sick of feeling ugly because My hair was so thin…and boy am I glad I didn’t give up..I am so happy today because of wigs..sounds so simple but its true. I have a friend who hasn’t committed to wigs..always asks me how I get over the itching etc..I’ve given her many options and have even told her to reach out to your team..ugh its very fustrating but I’m not investing anymore time or money on her( I’ve given her a wig of mine) anyway..this couldn’t come at a better time..thank you Heather you are an inspiration to me. 🙂

    • July 12, 2017 / 2:50 am

      Thank you, Kathleen! You have certainly blossomed and are a wonderful advocate for alternative hair!

      A lot of folks are like your friend. It can be difficult thing to push through.

      The sensations, styling, and care routine are so different between biohair and alternative hair. Have you tried to see if she might like toppers better? Some people are much more comfortable with toppers than wigs, especially in the beginning transitional stages of alternative hair use. I think it’s just one of those things. Some people like to dip their toes into the water first and then gently slip into it. Other folks cannonball right into the deep end! Others still prefer to sit on the side lines and sunbathe. It’s super personal and it’s all down to what works for them. You’re a good friend for trying to help! 🙂 – Heather

      • July 14, 2017 / 2:30 pm

        Thanks Heather…my friend is over 70 and has all over hair loss..very little hair…unfortunately a topper wouldn’t work out for her. She is petite and likes funky or messy pixies. I gave her my RW Glazed Vanilla Winner..she’s tried the cotton cap and its still extremely itchy to her…I am at a loss and don’t want to push her. She likes the color but would prefer something more messed up looking as she puts it. I would be afraid to suggest an all handtied cap…that after the expense it would still itch her. I’ve helped folks I don’t even know and the one person I’d really love to help I cant seem too…so fustrating 🙁

  2. Joan Boes
    July 14, 2017 / 11:58 pm

    A good point made here, Heather, because that’s what I did. I started off with a topper because I didn’t think my scalp could tolerate a full cap. At the time, I was not on the medication that I am now, and my scalp was very sensitive to pressure, heat, etc. However, thank God, I am on an oral chemotherapy drug that has changed my life for the better. And the drug made my scalp feel and look much better (except for the large bald spots which are there permanently) So, I decided to try wigs and like Kathleen, am I glad I did ! Having great hair makes a person feel so much different about themselves -well, I guess I should not be so general in my statement. Let me say, having great hair has made me feel so much different & better about myself. And that’s a good thing !

  3. janel
    July 15, 2017 / 1:03 am

    I love Yoda and this is one of my favorite quotes! Right on girlfriend! Well spoken!

  4. Karyn H
    July 16, 2017 / 4:00 pm

    I was one who cannonballed right in and then ran for the shore. Small town, one wig lady and she really steered me in the wrong direction. My hair used to be pale blonde and now the tiny bit of hair I have is a very bright silverish platinum. She put me in dark greys. Or the white in front with the really dark in the back and none of them fit, even though she told me they were fine. I reverted back to baseball caps after some very nasty comments by a friend. Humiliation was hard to deal with, so no more wigs.
    Then I discovered that yes, my wigs were too big and a simple velveteen band changed that and yes, those dark colors were so very wrong for me.
    Left on my own I did make a few dubious choices, but they were mine and I dealt with it. I trimmed some and donated some and I was so happy until a “friend” would announce my presence with “everyone come look at Karyn’s new wig”. I wanted the floor to swallow me up, but instead I twirled around and said something like “isn’t it great”..
    I can’t change my bio hair color all the time like my friends do, but I can do it with wigs. I am getting more self confidence about them and I frankly avoid the nasty people when I can.
    The best accessory for me now is my head held high with a big smile and a little toss of my beautiful hair… Mine because I bought it. ❤️

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