SELF-CARE – WHY WE SHOULD CONSIDER TAKING TIME OUT FOR OURSELVES

 
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By CysterWigs Contributor

It is okay if you’re tired and stressed.

No, it doesn’t make you weak. It only means you’re human just like everyone else. In a society that tells us to hide our vulnerability, some of us try to put on a brave face even when we’re desperately in need of a break. Life is hard enough as it is. There’s no need to wreck our health in the process. That’s why self-care isn’t just important–it’s essential. And making self-care a priority is not a sin. It’s very necessary.

It’s easy for society to label self-care as selfishness or self-conceitedness. I disagree with this belief because it doesn’t make any sense. Selfishness and self-care are two different things. I like to think that you have to love yourself before you can love someone else. This might sound like one of those Pinterest quotes that should not be taken seriously. However, it is true. You can’t give your all to everyone and everything and not have anything left to give to yourself. It makes perfect sense that in order to give love to anyone – your family, your partner, your colleagues, or even your dog – you need to have some love for yourself. If you’re all tapped out, you won’t be any good to yourself or anyone else.

Many of us might talk about self-care, but how do we actually work towards it?

It’s important to give yourself a little timeout. During this time, say to yourself, “I too deserve some rest. I too deserve a little bit of care.” Make it your mantra if you need to. In order for self-care to become a permanent part of your routine, you have to be able to accept that taking time out for yourself is normal and totally acceptable. There’s no better feeling in the world than when you pamper yourself. It always feels good when you can do something just for you and fully enjoy it. Why? Because you know that you deserve it. You work long hours during the week just to make ends meet, or you take care of those around you and you’re feeling guilty about taking a break? Why?!?

Don’t feel guilty. You deserve all the care in the world.

To take self-care seriously, you have to say “no” to anything that is harmful to your physical health and your mental health, too. Our sanity is important and we often forget that. Start learning to say no to the things that do not matter and you can focus more on the important things in life.

Another importance of practicing self-care is that it helps increase our self-esteem. Once you begin to take good care of your physical health and mental health, it will reflect in how you carry yourself. Remember, it’s not pride to know your worth as a person. You deserve love and to be treated with respect. That means you deserve these things from others–and you deserve these things from yourself as well.

How is it that I can order two wigs from the same brand in the same color and the color (or style) will look slightly different on each wig?

 
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I’m not going to mince words here:

Minor variations in style, density, and color SHOULD BE EXPECTED.

The manufacturers allow up to a 10 – 15% margin of difference between two wigs of a single style and color.

From a customer e-mail:

I order mostly two or three main styles that work for me. What I have found lately, is the same wig comes but is significantly different from the original one I received about a year prior. The new ones seem to have at least 1/3 amount less hair making the style actually way different looking and hard to work with.

Is this a trend to make wigs less dense per customer desires or is it a manufacturing savings and quality control issue? It is frustrating to need to exchange or return the wigs when I’m still not sure if a better quality one will arrive.

I understand there is always some discrepancy as the wigs are hand cut but this seems to be a change in the amount of hair used to make the wig. Are you finding this to be true as you order many of the same wigs from the manufacturer?

This is a very real concern for a lot of wig wearers, myself included. It is also a relatively complicated thing to answer.

Let’s start off by saying that minor inconsistencies in the style, cut, density, and color will always exist between wigs (specifically, the exact same style of wig from the exact same brand in the exact same color).

Examples include (but are not limited to):

  • Bangs or layering that are a little longer (or shorter) on one wig compared to the other. The wigs are still cut and styled by hand, so you can almost guarantee that a different person is cutting it every time you order a wig.
  • Highlights that are in slightly different places or in slightly different concentration from one wig to the next. This is typically seen in wefted wigs, but you can occasionally find it in monotops too. In wefted wigs, this is because the caps are 100% machine-made, so the way that the colors lay might be a little different from wig to wig based on the machine that laid out the wefting of the cap and the factory it was made in. (Manufacturers seldom own their own factories; instead they hire multiple factories on contract to produce the wigs on their behalf.) In mono top wigs, this can basically be chalked up to the fact that a person sat in a factory and individually stitched and tied every strand of hair into the top of that wig. Each person has a different technique, and because you can almost certainly assume you’ll never get a wig from the same worker in the same factory twice, minor variations will always occur.
  • Coloration that varies from one wig to another in other ways.This is actually fairly common. Unlike your biohair, wigs are batch processed in large volume. To accomplish this, wig manufacturers use multiple factories, all with different wig craftsmen (or women!), who all have different techniques for dying and blending the various colors. Even in machine made wigs, each color is still blended by hand before being made into the wefts sewn into the wig. This leads to minor differences from one wig to another in the same color. This can be even more pronounced in wigs with hand-tied features. These wigs are often done by one person per wig, working on one at a time. That individual’s technique (it is an actual skilled trade, with a 14+ month apprenticeship) often dictates how the various colors will be laid out in the wig.
  • Density that is different from one wig to another. Some factories will just make them a little thicker. Honestly, though, the trend lately has been towards LESS DENSE wigs. Part of this is an aesthetic thing: many medical clients dislike wigs with too much body or hair and thin them when they get them home. Demand dictates fashion and the manufacturers are very happy to oblige. The other part of this is purely economical: the cost of manufacturing these items is going UP, while the consumer is highly reluctant to buy the product if the price goes up even one penny. Another way to keep the prices static in the face of raising manufacturing costs and inflation is to cut material costs.

This is an excerpt from our CysterWigs Knowledge Base. Check it out on our private site to see over 500 articles all about our store, wigs, and how to wear the hair!

Seven Simple and Easy Ways To Say No Without Feeling Guilty

 
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By CysterWigs Contributor

Do you find it difficult to say the word “no?” If you shook your head yes, you’re not alone. A lot of people, especially women, find it really hard to refuse obligations or people. And when they do say no, they might end up feeling miserable about it. Some of us might have been taught to be accommodating and always agreeable. And that’s okay–sometimes. But when saying “yes” all the time starts to take a toll on your physical, mental and emotional health, it might be time to reevaluate and learn how to use that two-letter word instead.

For some, the word “yes” is like a pre-set which slips out even when your heart wants to say no. If you often feel bad for saying no, don’t worry. There are many ways to reduce the guilt that might come with saying it. Here is how you can start saying “yes” to the people and things that you really want to invest your time and energy in.

1. Know your priorities

Understanding your priorities will keep your mind clear and will help you to make a firm decision. People are more inclined to say yes even if they want to say no because their priorities are not defined.

For example, if you set a priority of spending time with your family in the evening, it becomes easier to say no to work during that time, no matter what. But unless you set a priority, you are likely to get confused between agreeing and disagreeing. So whenever you find yourself in a dilemma, know your priority and it will be easier for you to make a decision.

2. Be courteous

Hectic work schedules, bad relationships and fearful situations can leave you feeling devastated. Under such stressful situations, you are likely to say no for yourself, but the way you say it can leave you feeling guilty.

Being courteous with your response can help ease the guilt. No matter how difficult the situation is, being courteous will give you a clear advantage. Not only will it help you stay calm, but it can also help diffuse things before they have a chance to get out of hand.

3. Evaluate boundaries

If you find it difficult to say no to friends, relatives and coworkers, setting a boundary often helps. Think about a specific relationship that is very draining to you and set a boundary for your time or level of emotional involvement. Once the boundary is crossed, you will know that it’s time to say no. If boundaries keep getting crossed, it will become fairly evident quickly that it’s time to walk away from that situation or that person altogether.

Toxic relationships often lead to stress and depression. It is important to get rid of people and situations that make you uncomfortable. Instead of agreeing to something that you don’t want to do and then facing the consequences, it is best to set a boundary and refuse after a certain point. Know that if you have a strong relationship, it will withstand your disagreement. In fact, it can generate more respect for you and help make your bonds even stronger.

4. Have a different proposal

Another way to get out of the awkwardness of a disagreement is to offer a different proposal. Understand that you are not offending someone and there is no need to feel guilty about something that you actually don’t want to do. But you can always offer an alternative if you feel up to it.

For instance, if someone wants to work with you on a project and you are not interested, you can recommend the person to someone who you think would be a better fit. If an old friend wants to meet at a noisy bar and that’s not your scene, you can offer them to meet at a nearby coffee shop instead. In both cases, offering an alternative often works by helping to make the situation more ideal for you instead of being at the mercy of others.

5. Give an explanation

Not that you owe anyone one, but sometimes, a no goes down easier with one. For example, if someone asks you to come over and help them with a garage sale all day Saturday at the last minute and you planned to get some rest and recharge that day, you can say “I will not be able to help you because I already have a prior commitment.” Don’t apologize or waver. It’s not your fault that they didn’t plan for the occasion. Just make it clear that you are unable to help.

This can work when it comes to our personal goals as well. Say you have a goal to not eat fast food during the week because you’re trying to save money and reach your health and wellness goals. You can have an explanation for yourself. So when you’re tempted to order out, think about those goals you set and say them out loud. Doing this can help you reach your objectives in no time.

6. Value your words

Whenever you face a situation where you know you’ll agree because it’ll be too hard to refuse, think about what it will cost you if you give in. Nothing in life is free. You’ll either be either spending your time, money or even sacrificing your health over something that you really don’t want to do.

Evaluate if it’s all really worth it and you’ll be able to make a firm decision. Some people are good at manipulating others in an effort to get what they want. Don’t allow someone like that to play you or drain you of your time and energy.

7. Be true

Being true to yourself will help you to refuse or reject something efficiently. Sometimes, we agree to something due to the fear that we will lose a friend or an opportunity. In the end, this leaves you feeling stressed or anxious. If you are in a relationship that brings pain and disappointment, it is important to get out of it, no matter how hard it is to say no. If you don’t like anything that someone is doing, simply tell them that it’s hurting you instead of putting up with their antics. After all, it’s your life and you are the only person responsible for your happiness.

If someone who you consider to be a friend or partner refuses to respect you or your boundaries, they should no longer be a priority or a part of your life. There’s no point in holding on to a relationship that only makes you feel terrible. Never feel guilty for saying no, especially to your loved ones. If they truly care about you and your well-being, they’ll definitely understand and respect your decision.

Tips to help you lock in that “no.”

It’s possible to say no and not feel guilty about it. If you still think this won’t come easy to you, here are some tips that might help make the process easier.

● Avoid apologizing for refusing anything, but be polite while saying no.
● Avoid telling a lie just to refuse something as it will lead to guilt and make you feel miserable.
● It is always better to directly disagree or refuse something than to ask for some time to think. It will make the situation worse for you by extending it for longer.
● Plan ahead of situations where you would want to refuse. Practice how you will say no to a certain situation. It could be difficult to decide at the moment, therefore, think of all the possible situation and prepare yourself.
● Value yourself over everything else as you don’t want to grow resentful. It better to stay away from a toxic person or situation than to suffer.
● Assist people by redirecting them to other people or resources for help. This is a good way to communicate that you are not their one and only option every single time.

Practicing to say no can be difficult, but it is not impossible. Once you learn how to do it, you will start feeling more in control of yourself and your life. So challenge yourself and pledge to stand up for yourself so you can feel happier and more free.


References
https://www.themuse.com/advice/how-to-say-no-to-anyone-even-a-good-friend
https://psychcentral.com/lib/learning-to-say-no/
https://www.scienceofpeople.com/how-to-say-no/
https://tinybuddha.com/blog/stop-saying-yes-want-say-no/
https://www.inc.com/jonathan-alpert/7-ways-to-say-no-to-someone-and-not-feel-bad-about-it.html