Let it gooooo!!! Let it GOOOOOOO…..

Okay, okay we all know the songs and the lyrics, but it’s time to really take this advice. Ever find yourself worrying about the “detectability” of your wig? Are you worried that the guy working the checkout line at the grocery might notice something is just a tad “off” about your hair (that you know is a wig)? Worried that the wind might blow and someone might catch a glimpse of one of those wefts? Have you ever caught yourself purchasing wig after wig in search of something that provides ultimate realism and undetectability? Do you not want ANYONE to know you are wearing a wig? Does this add any amount of stress to your day? I have been there, I get it, but it’s time to let those worries fly away so you can just be happy!

We all have 99 other problems in life, but don’t let your wig be one of them. Seriously, this might save you your sanity. It sure did add plenty of stress to my day after I started wearing wigs. I hated the feeling of being constantly worried about covering up the fact that I was wearing a wig. I just like to feel like I am being authentic and myself all the time, so feeling like I had to “hide” some part of me was extremely uncomfortable. It was bad enough to deal with the stress of my hair falling completely out, so I needed to drop this stresser in my life.

So what did I do? I stopped caring so much about what other people thought. I thought to myself, “What is the worst thing that could happen to me if someone realized I was wearing a wig?”. (PS- this is a great question to ask yourself!). If someone were ever ugly or made fun of me due to the fact that I wear a wig (which seriously, is extremely unlikely to happen and hasn’t happened to me) then that person is not worth having in my life. Here is my thought. Someone who really knows me pretty much knows that I struggled with Alopecia. They also know that is the reason why I wear wigs. If someone who doesn’t know me spots that I am wearing a wig, they can make all the assumptions they want. But the only thing that person has done is figured out that I am wearing a wig. Life will go on, and they won’t be dwelling on the fact they saw someone wearing a wig.

It’s so much easier to write this down on paper than to actually implement it. I would like to say “it’s as simple as that”, but I know that it’s difficult to stop caring so much, so take this day by day if you can. Maybe have a small piece of paper that you keep in your pocket or your purse that says something along the lines “you is smart, you is kind, you is not going to give a care about what people think about your hair, because it doesn’t matter what THEY think in the long run.”

When you really understand that no one cares as much as you do about the fact that you are wearing a wig, the sooner you can move on and NOT worry about the detectability of your wig. When people compliment my hair, now I just say “Thanks, it’s a super fun wig! You should see some of my other ones!”. I have never had a poor response from anyone up unto this point. Also, not worrying so much about the detectability of your wig helps you calm down a little while searching for wigs to purchase. I have worn TONS of wigs at this point, and not even one of them is absolutely perfect when it comes to undetectability. Get the wig that has no lace front, purchase the wig that doesn’t have a mono part, you might actually just enjoy the style of the wig if you drop the worries about other people detecting it.

“In every life we have some trouble
But when you worry you make it double
Don’t worry, be happy
Don’t worry, be happy now”

Rachel is wearing Jon Renau Kristen in 12FS8

Product Listing:
Kristen by Jon Renau

You can see all of Rachel’s posts here.

The answer to this question would be so much easier if we all looked like Natalie Portman in V for Vendetta – beautiful and angular, the focus shifted solely to our well-balanced and perfectly proportioned facial features. Plus, she still has hair – only a quarter inch long, but it is still obviously more hair than I have had since age 12. Oh, and did I forget her perfectly shaped skull? That’s right – no obvious lumps or odd knobs or lines. I have this odd crease in the back of my head – it kind of looks like a smile where no hair grows. But still I shave my head and I love it.

I didn’t shave my head when I first started wearing wigs – I liked what little hair I had and went au naturel when working out, so every 6 to 8 weeks I was still making trips to the stylist for a trim. I continued to suffer in silence as they asked me if I had tried this product or that to make my hair grow, look thicker, to try and make it look like… more. None of those things worked and I had been trying them my whole life.

Just cut my darn hair already.

Then I went to my usual place and my usual stylist wasn’t there – it was a new lady I hadn’t seen before. I explained what I wanted – I had no hair and that was OK because I was now wearing wigs, but I wanted to keep my hair short and neat because I still exercised without a wig. She seemed to understand. It felt short when it was all done, but I was late and really didn’t care to look at how little hair I had in the salon, so I left. I went to my class at the gym and my best friend noticed my haircut. And then she noticed how short it was. And then she noticed the line that looks like a smile in the back of my head – there for everyone to see. Technically this was the first time I had my head shaved – exposing this weird feature for the world to see. After that, I started wearing wigs everywhere – including to the gym

I bought my first pair of clippers a few weeks later and took the real leap, neatly shaving my head using a guard in the privacy of my own bathroom. I took a picture of myself when I first did it – I do not look happy because I wasn’t. It was still a hard thing to do, despite already resolving to wearing wigs for the rest of my life. This was the final step – this was true acceptance that I have no hair.

It was hard looking in the mirror – I felt like I had chopped off what little of my femininity was left. I had given up on hope. This was the last bit of grief for my hair I had left. Luckily the feeling only lasted a little while. Then the freedom set in. I would never sit in another stylist’s chair, waiting for them to try and pitch some hair growth product that was never going to work. If I didn’t want someone to see me without hair – it was going to be out of my choice only and not out of need. I wasn’t going to have crazy bedhead when I woke up because I no longer had hair. I didn’t have to take my wig off and see my sparse hair plastered to my head looking gross and awful. I kind of liked this!

Shaving my head is quick, clean, easy to care for, and it feels good. My biohair doesn’t pop out from under my wig. My wigs are easy to put on. I don’t have to do my hair – no blow drying, no dyeing, the only reason I still use shampoo is because it doesn’t dry out my scalp. And in the winter, I can lotion my whole head – it feels amazing!

I think that whether you shave your head or not is a completely personal choice and there is no right or wrong answer. But here is what I think:

• It is cooler in the summer
• My wigs stay cleaner – with less oily hair underneath
• It is easier to put my wigs on, no biohair to tuck
• I don’t ever have to go to a stylist to get my hair cut again
• It is economical
• I (feel like I) look kind of bad-a** (lol) without my wig

• It is colder in the winter
• It can be an adjustment – it can be kind of sad to let go of the hair you still have
• There is no biohair to pull out to blend the edges of your wig – or if you do grow sideburns you kind of look funny without a wig – shaved head and sideburns
• If I want to grow my hair out again to switch to toppers it is going to take forever

Oh! And I highly recommend NOT shaving your head down to the skin. Like everywhere else on your body your skin has to get used to it (think razor burn and bumpy skin – on your head) and if the skin is not perfectly smooth, nicks and cuts are possible (OUCH!). Plus, it requires more upkeep. I shave my head with clippers every month or so, but shaving it all the way down is a weekly thing. Just things to consider. So if you are ready to shave your head- go for it! Be prepared for the little bit of wistfulness or full on grief you may feel once you look at that reflection. Or maybe you will rock it like Natalie Portman from the beginning, but either way you will get to a point of freedom that I think you will love.

You can see all of Kerry’s guest blogger posts here.

I have always had the hardest time with my hair. It’s unruly, curly, frizzy, and all over the place.

My solution has always been to wing it with a flat iron, lots of hair product, and a prayer. Then my hair disagrees, yet again, split ends ensue and the almighty hair trim is in order.

I have dumped eggs on my head in an attempt to invigorate it with more protein. I have slathered on coconut oil, olive oil, castor oil. All that stuff is great, and I’m sure if I had the patience to sit around in a hair cap several hours out of the week, I would really see some amazing results. The thing is, I don’t have time for all of that. Who does? I marvel at the super women among us who seem to have this hair stuff all figured out. I half suspect that they’re all wearing wigs these days, but that’s another story for another day!

This has been a life-long struggle. I’ve got so many stories!

One time, I told my current boyfriend I would be using eggs on my hair weekly for hair treatments.

Casually sitting in bed, fiddling with our phones before clocking out for the day, I said, “Hey babe, so I know my use of cooking ingredients in the bathroom is pretty different, but I’m going to be doing egg treatments on my hair weekly, so try to save a few eggs for me, ok?”

A moment passed, he laid his phone down, staring straight ahead and asked “Why are you doing…what are you saying…huh?” and things along those lines, with lots of very long pauses in between.

That’s how men typically seem to regard the “mystique” of female beauty rituals. Crickets. It must be nice to live in a world where all your partners are conditioned to like you just the way you are, bald heads and all. You would think that would make guys a little more open minded, but alas, some are much happier living with double standards over in fantasy land.

I went through a stage where I wore hair extensions for about a year. I absolutely loved them. I never had hair that covered my tata’s and went down to my waist before. It was a revelation – and my first pass at helper hair.

That was short lived, though.

One of my dear friends from high school had her extensions sewn-in. Not only did it cause irritation on the scalp, but when she had them removed, the hair that was attached went away with them too. NIGHTMARE OF ALL NIGHTMARES! The memory of that has made me very slow to do any more experimentation with these things, personally.

I’ve discovered that one way to have my cake and eat it too is by switching to wigs. I get better coverage and the silky hair texture I’ve always dreamed of without the creams, oils, flat irons, and split ends. I also love that I can take my wig off at the end of the night, so sleep is much more comfortable! They are also MUCH easier to apply and remove. No nightmare scenarios where your hair gets ripped out, which is a major relief to me!

I credit my Shilo by Noriko for the most epic turn-down of a dude in the history of my life.

This guy – let’s call him Bart – was type of guy who was cool in high school. (Boy, was I crazy about Bart in high school.) After we graduated and he found himself single, he immediately started messaging me. Like, nonstop. We go and hang out, at his house, and he can’t take his eyes off me.

“I love your hair”, he kept telling me. Oh boy. Here we go.

Here comes the dilemma: to tell or not to tell. That is one of the most epic questions when you’re dating! Is Bart part of the inner circle just because I’m crushing on him? Or do I have to play it cool and wait to see if he can handle all this epic faux hair T?

I decided to play it cool and see what Bart was like. After all, this was about 1 year after graduation. People can change a LOT after high school!

As it turns out, this guy was a pretty big snooze-fest. He also had really bad breath. Like, peel-paint-off-the-wall bad. Like, cartoon-characters-with-clothes-pins-on-their-nose bad. Like, how-can-a-living-creature-that-isn’t-a-komodo-dragon-have-breathe-like-this? bad.

We’re were cuddling and kissing when I realized I couldn’t stand it anymore. I even faked falling asleep for a second because I was literally gagging and needed to remove my head from the line of fire.

He didn’t fall for it. He kept trying to move in for more lip action. I dodged it with expert level skill and got up from the couch in one super slick, wish-it-had-been-videoed move.

“What’s wrong with you?” he asked in possibly the least helpful tone ever. It was kind of accusing, as opposed to concerned.

In my head we had an entire conversation about it, unbeknownst to him. It went something like: What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you?! How the mighty have fallen! You were my #1 crush just a year ago – the ultimate in unobtainable hotties. What happned to you? You clearly put no thought into what you look like or what you’re doing with your life, but you think it’s totally ok to date me only because I have amazing hair? It’d better be amazing, for how much I paid for it. However, it’s not really a good reason on its own to date someone. (NOTE: Not digging on CysterWigs; their prices are actually very good; it’s just that this unit isn’t a bargain basement el cheap-o kind of style!)

I casually adjusted my wig with pinache, no longer caring what this guy thought of the matter.

“What’s wrong with your hair?” he shrieked in a childish, idiotic manner, horrified.

He just stared at me, stunned and befuddled, as I grabbed my jacket and headed towards the door. The look he gave was deeply incredulous, his mouth agape with great green wavy streams of stinky air coming out of it. (Ok, so I made that last part up.) This was the moment I realized my crush on Bart officially died. RIP. So much for high school crushes.

I almost asked him what was wrong with his hair. It was thinning a lot for a 19 -year old. I decided to stop my silent internal conversation with him, though, and leave like a lady instead.

“Well, look Bart, it’s been great. I really have to go now. My pet hamster is in town, and I have to take him on a walk and catch up.”

“What does that even mean?!” he asked, still not quite comprehending that I was no longer an 18-year old girl desperate for his approval. I was 19 now, thank you very much, and I had just realized that I had much better options waiting out there for me. I was worth better treatment than settling for a guy who only wanted me because he fell head over heels in love with my wig.

I grabbed my jacket and walked out the door. I never looked back. Bye-bye Bart.

Now, for the sake of my sanity, I tell people about my use of wigs early on in the dating process. It’s a test of their virtue – but is not a test of my realness. I feel like I’m being ultra-real by even bringing it up!

If a guy can handle my beauty routine, then he passes the test and is possibly worthy of epic smooches. If the guy is a Bart, then he can join the other Barts in their little fantasy world where women are cool with insane beauty and hygiene double standards.

Non-Barts aren’t that rare. Men are getting better about this, at least in my experience. It is definitely appreciated. In exchange for them being cool, I am willing to overlook any number of flaws, including beer bellies, flatulence, and, yes, even some bad breath. This has to be a two-way street though. I will never be cool with some dude expecting effortless perfection from me while forcing me to hold my breath while we make out.

I’m a grown lady now and ladies have standards.

Hi! My name is Heather.

No, not THE Heather but close enough. I do work for her however and I thought it’d be nice to share my story of meeting Heather and the impression I have of her and Cysterwigs.

First, my own hair loss story begins in 2006. I noticed lots of strands falling out and eventually decided to wear my hair in a ponytail to hide the fact that I was balding at my crown. I was in a bad time in my life at that point and wasn’t working, aka no insurance to see what was wrong with me. I was diagnosed with PCOS in 2014 and decided to make the leap into wearing wigs.

I had no idea what to do or where to go. So one day while playing around on Google I stumbled upon the Cysterwigs website. I started watching Heather’s vids on YouTube and quickly became a huge fan. We emailed back and forth and she guided me on making my first wig purchase. An Allure by Jon Renau.
That wig sat in a box for about 2 weeks before I had the courage to cut my very long ponytail off and finally embrace my hair loss. I remember crying for a solid hour after I cut it off and was extremely nervous when I wore the wig out for the first time. I swore everyone would know but surprisingly all I got was “Wow! Your hair looks so nice!”.

I’ll be honest, it was another few months before I was completely comfortable with wigs and even saying the word “wig” was a challenge. These days, however, I preach the wig gospel far and wide and could care less who knows.

After I made my first purchase I decided to see if I could help Heather in anyway with her mission. She hired me PT to help when needed on the site. For about 3 yrs I was working just when needed but in April 2017 I became an official part of Team Cysterwigs.

What do I do, you might ask?

I know most of you who are hard core Cysterwigs fans have never heard of me. Mostly because I work behind the scenes. I’m a detail monkey of sorts. Anything from tracking, creating product listings, editing CC on Youtube videos, bookeeping etc is my workspace. Although I have worked most of my career in customer service, I feel I’m at my best behind the scenes.

I’m so proud to work for Heather and my team at Cysterwigs. I believe 100% in the Cysterwigs mission to empower women to embrace themselves and wig wearing. It’s wonderful to be able to support women like myself who have hair loss, especially those that are just starting out. I’m fortunate that I met Heather when I did as she has been not only a wonderful boss but an amazing friend.

I encourage all those who are experiencing hair loss to understand first that it’s not your fault. You did not consciously make this decision and no amount of wishing or daydreaming will make it better. It’s time to be a big girl and embrace yourself with all your faults and failures. It’s the only way to pull yourself out of the pit of despair you’ve fallen into.

Wigs are not a cure but a tool. Embrace them, have fun with them. Notice all the looks you get from those cute stockboys in the grocery store. Girl, own it and your womanhood. No one really looks at your hairline (unless they wear wigs too). Flaunt it, be bold and live your life your way.

Product Listings:
Dakota by Envy (seen in Sparkling Champagne)
Angelique by Jon Renau (seen in Cherry Cobbler)
Biscotti Babe by BelleTress (seen in Pumpkin Spice Latte)
Mila by Jon Renau (seen in 14/26)

I met Sue when I was a temp worker at a company back in 2011. I had not started wearing wigs yet and the thought had not even crossed my mind, although that journey would begin less than a year later. She was in the cube across from me and although quiet (and mysterious! she would say – but only because she is Korean and that is what people expect her to be, lol) she has the brightest smile, is very clever and funny, and has the most wonderful laugh – she thought I was hilarious and we were quick friends. I only worked at the company for a few months before moving to another state, but we stayed in touch and I soon knew it was for a reason, although it would be another five years before that reason was fulfilled.

When I moved back last summer, I asked Sue to lunch. I was excited because she had only known me as my former self – without very much hair and having very little herself I thought this may be a great opportunity to show her what wigs were about. I had told her I started wearing them and she seemed…skeptical. I thought she would be shocked to see me with hair. She was not – she absolutely didn’t believe me that I was wearing a wig! I even wore a long, curly wig – so completely opposite of my short, cropped, fluff of a ‘do that was my biohair – and I almost had to remove it in the restaurant to convince her it wasn’t mine!

I think a lot of people, including myself and Sue, have this preconceived notion that a wig = fake, obvious, costume, ridiculous and isn’t it such a pleasant surprise to find that this is not the case! This was the first of many revelations for Sue, who was going to be hard pressed to be convinced of giving wigs a chance still.

I didn’t want to pressure her, but I did want to offer her the possibility – so we discussed the matter further. Sue had started losing her hair when she was young, and as a Korean bride, was shamed on her wedding day to have so little. Her mother had offered to get her a wig at one point, but her offer was made decades ago and all they knew were the short, cropped caps of ill-fitting curls that some of us can still picture, possibly sliding off our dear grandmother’s heads. Not a fashionable look for a young mother and wife.

So Sue soldiered on, living her life and ignoring her reflection, focusing on her marriage and her son, earning a Master’s degree in computer programming. Here she was now, her son grown, divorced, and working – still ignoring her reflection (it is old habit, you know), carefully combing her hair, keeping her appearance neat and still with that smile made of sunshine and laugh so sweet.

During our discussions and learning these details about Sue (boy, could I relate to ignoring the reflection in the mirror, focusing on others and ignoring everything else) I found her arguments to be about wanting people to like her for her genuine self – and worrying that wigs would obscure that.

“I want people to like me for who I truly am, I don’t want them to think I am fake.”

Ah! Now there is an argument. And I get it! She felt as though she would be deceptive by wearing a wig. That not only would it look ridiculous, everyone would know, and they would think of her as a liar.

“Sue,” I said, “Are you wearing a bra?” Shocked, she replied, “Of course!”

“Well, that isn’t very honest of you, is it? Your boobs are probably a bit higher in a bra than they really are – it is kind of a lie.” She laughed but I knew I had struck a chord.

While there was much more to the conversation, the point was this – we wear clothes: pants, underwear, shirts, shoes – we are ill equipped for the world without them. We don’t think of people as lying when they are wearing these things, they are simply doing what is socially accepted and what is best to help them survive in the world and fit in with society. We tend to only give people who can navigate society successfully a chance – to see them for who they are. You aren’t going to have a meaningful conversation with a person in a coffee shop who isn’t wearing pants. You are going to be too busy wondering why the heck they don’t have pants on and probably trying to get away from them to listen to what they have to say or taking measure of the content of their character.

Hair, especially for women, is the same. We are expected to have a full head of hair. When we don’t have it is when it becomes distracting. While people will eventually see past that, it does make it a little harder, doesn’t it? It becomes a hurdle to seeing who you really are, as opposed to a deception made to obscure yourself.

Sue lost her hair when she was young through no fault of her own. It never hid her smile or her smarts or her hard work – and a wig wasn’t going to hide any of that either. She agreed to give it a go.

She came to my place – I kind of have a lot of hair 😉.

This is Sue.

And this is Sue with hair (notice the smile!). A couple hours and a few selfies later – Sue was on her way to becoming a believer.

Six months later, Sue came for another visit – I had more wigs I told her and she could take her pick! She had just come from a job interview and the change in her was remarkable. Friends and family accepted the new Sue and encouraged her, giving her compliments. I swear she was walking a little taller when she came over, and it wasn’t the heels. Sue felt good about herself and it showed. She was more confident – what makes Sue, well Sue – showed even more clearly now.

I was so darn proud of her. She was so scared of wearing wigs. Scared of what people would think. Scared of her own reflection, and she did it anyway.

Deciding to wear wigs is not easy as we all know. Losing our hair – for whatever reason – it wasn’t our choice and certainly not our fault. And we need to acknowledge that. And we can do something about it to make ourselves feel better. To help people see the real person inside – to see past our hair.

You can see all of Kerry’s guest blogger posts here.